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Joke of the Day

"My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars."

"I like to think of myself as the Martha Stewart of slobs."

"I always thought I was stupid... Then I read the commentary."

"[car wreck] [hand reaches out] ""Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback."" [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]"

"If it screams, it's not food yet"

"[Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew"

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America."

"Sean Connery walks into a bar. He says ""I'd like a single shot."" The bartender says ""That's a good idea because if you had the chickenpox, the virus is already in you."""

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you probably haven't heard of it."

"Very dirty joke [NSFW] A pig falls in the mud."