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Joke of the Day

"Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house? The property taxes were gastronomical."

"When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*"

"I keep hearing so much talk about ISIS right now... They're really blowing up."

"[dog wedding] [Bride throws bouquet into crowd] [Groom catches it, gives it back to Bride] [Bride throws bouquet again] [Groom catches.."

"Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches? They always turn out to be sub par."

"Sitting on the Toilet Scrolling through dating apps while on the toilet is the best idea... etiher way you're gonna find shit."

"Sorry I yelled ""chug it"" to your baby, as you were breastfeeding."

"the best thing about the moon is that it doesn't have any sports"

"Act your age, not your sperm count... Cause otherwise you'd be old as balls!"

"captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna 1st mate: dont you mean sonar captain (already in towel): full steam ahead"