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Joke of the Day

"Starbucks Employees at Starbucks hate me...probably because I never buy anything when I go there just to take a dump."

"So I went to the pool... I looked at the rules and the first rule was ""The pool is not a restroom"" And I just thought to myself ""No shit"""

"I was eating a piece of Gouda... And I was trying to describe it. I didn't want to say it was good because that would've been to cheesy."

"I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day."

"You look so young... what is your secret? I am fifteen."

"The only thing we can anticipate about Nelson Mandela's condition is that his rap discography is about to skyrocket in the charts."

"Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap."

"Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bowl ! Bowl who ? Bowl me over !"

"Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food..."