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Joke of the Day

"Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food..."

"(fully aware that i am always more tired after a nap than i was before) this time will be different"

"What did the feminist Jedi say to Darth Tyrannus? ""Check your Force privileges, Sith Lord!"""

"What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? They're both alright for a ride until your mates find out!"

"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted while writing a paper; Id be making money in a weird ass way, man. ~Mitch"

"Why was the owl afraid of Raidoactivity Because it was made of Hootonium"

"The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter."

"Arguing with someone spoils your day and mood, increases your blood pressure and is bad for your health. Instead of arguing, Just punch them in the fucking face and be done with it."

"We could power our entire office with the wind produced from my constant sighing."

"Whenever someone says, ""that's what she said"", I like to reply with, ""not to you"""