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Joke of the Day

"My dog just growled back at my rumbling stomach. We have reached a new level of communication."

"What do you call the student with the best overall average in a graduating class at an all girl's school? vulvavictorian"

"911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry."

"Why did the chicken go to the bathroom? That's where all the cocks hang out."

"Insanity [insanity] (noun): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results See Also: Going back to your ex"

"Don't you hate when someone has a great tweet idea, but they TOTALLY fuck up the wording, and it's you?"

"I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is."

"What's the difference between a blowjob and a ham sandwich? wanna go to lunch?"

"I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen."

"This unicorn sitting next to me is saying that I took too many Vicodin."