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Joke of the Day

"[sees fly] Hmm... I think I'll name this creature ""Fly."" [sees bird] GODDAMMIT"

"I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees."

"What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower !"

"Too bad the dinosaurs didn't have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up."

"My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me."

"What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons."

"I saw a chameleon the other day ...Lazy Fucker"

"Had to buy rat poison last week. I'm with a really huge problem at home. Can't stand my roomate."

"A Muslim started a line of sex toys ... He specializes in blow up dolls."

"My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive... which is why I lost my job at the HIV clinic"