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Joke of the Day
"I got a new thesaurus. It's terrible. On top of that, it's also terrible."
Next Joke
"What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone? Sans Sheriff."
"2 grams for $40??? Son, you are getting soooooo ripped off. Go see Jermaine on Fremont St. Tell him Your Mother sent you."
"Can I get pregnant from looking at a man in another car, at a red light but then quickly looking away when he looks over?"
"For every 10,000 references to incest in the GOT books George RR Martin gets to add another R to his name. (He was born Geoge Matin.)"
"Me to Dr: I have no energy lately. Dr: you need to exercise more Me:... Dr:... Me: Let's start this again."
"I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!"
"Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn't respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now"
"The engineer goes to the bathroom and takes a dump. Because everything these assholes do is shit"
"I spent most of my money on beer and women. The rest I just wasted."