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Joke of the Day

"I know it wouldn't be ""environmentally friendly"" but I wish someone would invent disposable handkerchiefs."

"Astronaut: wtf is this NASA: it's space food A: I specifically asked for only Milky Way bars N: look we get it but- A: no no I'm coming down"

"Never in the history of unlimited data plans has someone gone through their significant others phone and gotten happier"

"Did you hear about those two gay cannibals? I hear they're having a ball."

"1. Take dozens of pictures of yourself sleeping. 2. Put them in coworker's drawer. 3. ""WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"""

"How convenient, I can cook this lasagna in the microwave in 30 seconds, or in my oven in 4 days."

"What's better than seeing a girl wrestle?... Seeing her box."

"I eat my pop tarts frozen like the vikings used to have them."

"Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon. Your mom is a hermaphrodite."

"It must be 1929... Because my econ homework has me in a severe depression."