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Joke of the Day

"What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby? You're just going to have to be a little patient."

"What did God say to all the Jews, Christians and Muslims of the world? nothing"

"Why did the banker dump his girlfriend? He lost interest."

"Where'd I drop my waffle? At the beach in San Diego."

"""If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus."" What I actually said: ""Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"""

"When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist."

"Never trust an atom. Actually, it's probably fine. They only make up about 4% of everything."

"I got shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what it was laced with but I was tripping all day!!"

"TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up"

"I'm on a plane and I see my friend Jack. Instinctively I say, ""Hi Jack!"" Still don't understand why I was detained."