47484

Joke of the Day

"Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like."

"You are so dimwitted even the blackhole night sky looks brighter than you."

"Why should Rihanna date the Edmonton Oilers? Because they don't beat anybody."

"Petshop Man goes in to petshop and asks for a pet wasp. 'I'm sorry sir we don't sell wasps' 'But you've got one in the window'"

"Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ' yours eventually'?"

"Did you here that Donald Trump wants to ban canned parmesan cheese? He wants to make America grate again."

"Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes."

"What do hand grenades and wives have in common? Remove the ring and your house is gone."

"I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I'm in prison."

"I was approached on the street the other day by a young escort. Couldn't have been older than 13. I was absolutely appalled... ...by her prices. Way more than I usually pay!"