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Joke of the Day

"Did you here that Donald Trump wants to ban canned parmesan cheese? He wants to make America grate again."

"Me: So excited for the weekend! Predatory alien in disguise: Same here! Sooo easy to catch, right M: Huh P: The weakened M: What P: What"

"Tried to go for anal with my gf without talking about it She says, ""that's a dick move"""

"Every marriage counselor should be replaced by robots... because they take arguments and return values."

"International women's day"

"I need some help with my Halloween costume. I'm dressing up as Ebola and I want to make sure everyone gets it."

"Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press"

"Why did the letter arrive wet? Because it had postage dew."

"*panics during bank robbery* ""Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"""

"Dear Santa -- For 2017, all I want is a SLIM body and a BIG FAT bank account. Please don't mix it up like last year."