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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies? Disney movies can still touch children."

"Spider-Man's a great addition to The Avengers, if they're looking for a superhero who is best at watching people they love die."

"The interviewer asked me, ""What's your worst quality?"" I said, ""I tend to speak my mind."" He said, ""I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing..."" I said, ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""

"Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter? Because he killed all the 140 characters."

"I put my pants on like anyone else. By court ordered mandate."

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb? I thought 12, but the basements still dark."

"I went on one of those once in a lifetime holidays last week... I won't be doing that again. joke by Tim Vine"

"Dentistry is the perfect profession for people who like to talk but don't want a response"

"I received their wedding invitation on Facebook, so I sent them a gift from Farmville....figured it was appropriate."