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Joke of the Day

"My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about."

"i feel like i need to go to rehab for my avocado addiction. :("

"Husband:-""So when you starting back at the gym""? Me:-""Why""? H:-""Because you need to"" His funeral takes place next week."

"Why are brides so happy on their wedding days? No more blowjobs."

"There are only two types of people I hate in this world... Racists and black people."

"[catches spider in a glass] spider: omg are you going to drink me? me: oh no this is just to take you outside spider: me: spider: drink me"

"Elephants Did you know an elephant's sexual organs are in its feet? if they step you, you're fucked!"

"I was furious when I found my wife's profile on a dating website That lying bitch isn't ""fun to be around"""

"What's a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer."

"Now that the german sense of humor has been acknowledged internationally, we can be sure of one thing... ...next world war is going to be *hilarious*."