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Joke of the Day

"I was furious when I found my wife's profile on a dating website That lying bitch isn't ""fun to be around"""

"My Girlfriend is anorexic. It's not going so well... I am seeing less and less of her everyday."

"Only in math is it okay to buy 30 grapefruit at one time"

"I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy"

"What did the doctor say to the man wearing cling-film? I can clearly see you're nuts"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, but you can't get them out."

"Damn team mate are you the ladbible? Because you are baiting me so hard."

"I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses."

"""knock knock"".. ""who's there?"" ""dave"" ""dave who?"" dave struggled to hold back the tears as he realised his grandmothers alzheimers is getting worse"

"[Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist"