46930

Joke of the Day

"My ex-wife still misses me... BUT 'ER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER! ...'ER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER! ......you see, i...it's funny because marriage is terrible."

"I was once told there was nothing positive about the Bubonic Plague I think Malthus would disagree."

"Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes."

"""Excuse me, do you validate parking?"" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none."

"People who complain that my Christmas gifts are ""stupid"" and ""thoughtless"" clearly have no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple."

"Every summer I go to Grammar Camp we discuss creative ideas and pitch our new tense."

"[robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-"

"*takes long drag from cigarette* *stares off into the distance* *slowly glances down at hand* *lights cigarette*"

"Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?"

"What do math majors get when they graduate? A radian. Math majors don't use degrees."