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Joke of the Day

"How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But it takes about 8-10 visits."

"Hillary will give her concession speech... Since somebody paid her $250,000 speaking fee."

"I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject."

"I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring."

"""Any women in the audience who think I'm a male chauvinist, say ""Boooo!"" Every woman in the audience yelled ""Booo!"" The speaker said to the crowd, ""Obedient little bitches, aren't you?"""

"a fun thing to do if your wife leaves her fb open: post an argument you had but switch who said what and watch her friends agree with 'her'"

"me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda"

"I'm not racist at all against black people because... ...every house should have one."

"I'm not sure if this clerk is smiling at me bc he knows I'm high or bc we're both high, but it's been 6 minutes and we're still just smiling"

"If a mathematician were to be any part of a kitchen which would he be? The counter."