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Joke of the Day

"Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated? His family advertised it as a barbecue."

"Ancestry.com will not get a cent of my money until they can tell me which apes I came from."

"I won't get a girl pregnant because I only have sex at night, when my sperm is asleep."

"My phone died, so I was forced to ""print"" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days"

"*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers"

"If towels told jokes... They'd probably have a very dry sense of humor."

"Because it's funny! What do you call a stripper you pay with noodles? A PASTATUTE!!!"

"If you and jack were horseback riding Would you help jack off the horse?"

"One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!"

"the karate policy at this nursing home is bullshit"