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Joke of the Day

"One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!"

"Say what you will against pedophiles, but at least... they drive slowly in school zones."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A total rip off."

"Why couldn't they find the cheesemaker after the accident? He was trapped under da-Brie!"

"Did you hear about Trump's import tax assessment? It's tariff-eyeing"

"So, saw a couple of transgenders dressed up as super-heroes.. May be Ex-Men"

"I'll do anything to prove I'm not lazy. I'll go the whole three yards."

"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."

"I was banging my neighbors wife, doggy style, when her husband came home... She said, ""OH MY GOD, use the BACKDOOR!!"" I should've left at that point, but you don't get an offer like that every day..."

"""This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu"" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down"