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Joke of the Day

"*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers"

"A Chemistry Degree is like an awesome girlfriend, because you get anal before getting physical."

"What was the first porn movie about Rappers called? Lewdicrous"

"Never trust someone who runs for ""fun."""

"I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer."

"Everyone on a flight is technically a flight attendant"

"How heavy is a dumpling? Wanton"

"Three men walk into a bar... The fourth one ducks."

"The American school system is a lot like an EA game... It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else."

"What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common? ""They remember"""