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Joke of the Day

"Ancestry.com will not get a cent of my money until they can tell me which apes I came from."

"Wife: ""I saw a huge owl on my way home. Almost hit it with my car."" Me: ""Wow!"" Wife: ""Sorry, the correct response is 'O RLY?'"""

"If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin ? A lid !"

"What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room? A full set of teeth."

"If you throw a banjo and accordian off a tall building, which one hits the ground first... Who cares?"

"Unexpected things ""It says here on your resume that you're good at saying unexpected things.."" ""Yes I am"" ""But I thought you were gonna say something unexp- ..oh you're good"""

"Saw HBO were going to be making a new TV show set in an airport... They had to cancel it though as the pilot didn't take off."

"I got gas today for $1.09! Too bad it was from Taco Bell."

"What do you do if an old man asks for a helping hand? He is meaning a hand job so run away!"

"11/10 people don't understand statistics ."