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Joke of the Day

"""Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable..."" ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out"

"Why do chicken coops have only 2 doors? If they had 4, it would be a chicken sedan! ^I'm^so^sorry"

"(From my 7 year old) Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."

"What does a Bears fan do when his team wins the Superbowl? He turns off his Xbox, and goes to bed."

"A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her bed Looping round in her head Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;"

"If Twitter has taught me anything in 6 years, it's ""that"" is the most unnecessary word in the English language."

"My friends were disappointed that I decided to stay home after work instead of going out with them... I said, ""Yea, I'm really into resting, aren't I ? """

"All food I purchase should read: ""Serving Size: Probably This Entire Box In Less Than An Hour, You Fat Fuck."""

"Why are black people unable to get a PhD? Because they can't get past their masters."

"My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer."