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Joke of the Day

"(From my 7 year old) Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. I love that joke, it never grows old."

"How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician? Cold and calculating."

"What kinda pet would John Wayne get?... He'd get a long little doggie."

"Was at the zoo and witnessed a monkey going to the bathroom. That shit was bananas."

"My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition."

"What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds? There's twenty of them. (Works better in spoken format, I know)"

"Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain"

"I'm not just pms-ing. I'm ovary acting."

"What kind of money do fishermen make ? Net profits !"