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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a stillborn grizzly cub? Unbearable"

"Please put away that scary photo, Tina. That's my X-ray. I'm not sure what's worse: the fact you dated a skeleton or that its name was Ray."

"Some think the economy is slowly recovering. Others think it's on the verge of collapse. I think about boobs mostly."

"What's the difference between my computer and Paul Walker? I actually give a shit when my computer crashes."

"look son... rome wasnt built in Ade!! rome was built in I-TA-LY. do u even kno where Ade is?! A-FRI-CA. AFRICA. how r u goimg to pass school"

"CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?"

"A little boy says to his dad 'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?' And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'"

"There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows."

"87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math."

"If a plane from California crashes in a cemetery in Montana where are the survivors buried?"