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Joke of the Day

"CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?"

"Why did Goku cross the road? Find out next time on Dragonball Z!"

"People of the world There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice. (Sorry for old joke)"

"I like to go to the vet It's a lot cheaper than the doctor. The only shitty part is the thermometer"

"Sorry, grandma. You stood up. You have to be Slim Shady now."

"Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I've ever had."

"What do you call it when you said a redneck on fire? A firecracker"

"Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day."

"I have a spoon devoted solely to peanut butter so things aren't really looking up."