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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, if you think being clumsy is cute, I once stabbed my date in the gums with a fork trying to feed her a bite of spaghetti"

"I cooked for my fiancee's parents for the first time As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, ""I like it well done."" I said, ""Thanks, that means a lot."""

"The girl I like checked me out today. I gave her money, and she gave me groceries."

"I hate that fucking composer he is such a son of a bach."

"What was Hitler's problem when the lights went out? He could Nazi. Edit: Fuck me, Reddit. I heard you *liked* puns..."

"It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jerks they were last year."

"Its too expensive to put up Christmas lights these days. I'm just going to hire a bunch of Mexicans to sit on my roof with flashlights."

"I was trying to get out of the friend zone with a girl. She put me in the brother zone... Good thing I live in Alabama!"

"They've been together for 28 years! DEEZ NUTS"

"It's not about how she looks, it's all about how she looks at you."