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Joke of the Day

"Hmmm... Jack Nicholson. He's that guy from the Laker's games right?"

"I really needed something positive in my life so I finally got tested."

"Who let the docs out? Google. Google docs."

"What do you call it when a flight attendant gets pregnant? Pilot error."

"My friend had a stroke and half his body went dead He's all right now."

"""Sir, I need you to explain your resume."" Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters ""Current job?"" I pee on things I don't like"

"I joked about a robot uprising until I waved at an automatic paper towel dispenser and nothing happened. THEY'RE EVOLVING INTO PRETTY GIRLS!"

"If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!"

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *hands him a puppy and drives off* [3 years later] COP *walking his dog*: wait a second..."

"Robert De Niro was worried he was having symptoms of Schizophrenia. He went to his doctor and said... ""I heard things."""