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Joke of the Day

"Robert De Niro was worried he was having symptoms of Schizophrenia. He went to his doctor and said... ""I heard things."""

"When it comes to age, women are a lot like wine. I mean, who doesn't love 16 year-old wine."

"What girl's name is like a letter? Kay (K)."

"I tried using self deprecating humor But I'm not any good at it."

"You're right, vegetarian. Meat IS murder. ...and I'm sure no bunnies, squirrels or mice died during the harvesting of your garden salad."

"Just congratulated my ex on dating someone so young that her Throwback Thursday photos are just pictures of her pregnant mom. I'm a dream."

"Took my guitar to an open mic night at a bar. Yea, it sucked cuz they made me play one less chord. Guess one of 'em was a minor."

"So back in Gr.8 Science, class reading of a chapter in biology... The dyslexic girl had issues talking about the growth and creation of orgasms."

"If only politicians kept their campaign promises... like Harrelson keeps his rampart."

"Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? A: He sold his soul to Santa."