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Joke of the Day

"[texting] you mean the wolf to me -wolf? ha! autocorrect fail! -lol what i meant to say was...you're a mean wolf to me"

"Why did the phone get away with its crime? Because it had good connections!"

"what did they call the Mexican after losing a finger minus juan"

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"Do chemistry jokes do well here? I'm not sure if I'll get a reaction."

"I almost died last night. I woke up at 3am and MY FOOT WAS HANGING OFF THE EDGE OF THE BED. NOT EVEN UNDER THE COVERS."

"What weapon is most feared by knights? A can opener."

"How many polacks does it take to change a light bulb? Just one dumbass."

"Three guys walk into a bar The fourth one ducked."

"What's the similarity between a dog and a bulldozer? Neither one is a squirrel."