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Joke of the Day

"The Barber of Seville by Aaron Floor"

"Return to empty house. TV turned on to UFC. Faint smell of Axe body spray. Worst fear realized. My house has polterguys."

"I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!"

"And in the news today, Justin Bieber has yet to be shot in a drive by. . ."

"What do natural gas and sadists have in common? They're both propane."

"Twitter : bc in real life Smart, funny, beautiful women are not following us anywhere."

"I like to sneak into people's houses and masturbate in their livingroom. ...so far no ones heard me cumming."

"My friend turned up to my costume party dressed as an abacus. I knew I could count on him."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Licksalotapuss. What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass."

"*Weather changes* BODY: This is weird. Must have an asthma attack. *Anything else changes* MIND: This is weird. Must have a panic attack."