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Joke of the Day
"Had scab soup today made it from scratch."
Next Joke
"A man is flying on a plane Lady Flight attendant: hello, would you like some headphones? Man: yeah I would, but how did you know my name was phones?"
"Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt? He didn't want to be spotted."
"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding. He still hasn't unwrapped his present."
"Awwww, she looks so sweet and peaceful when she's not yelling. -my kids, watching me sleep"
"What do you call a place where they don't allow sleeveless shirts? A gun free zone"
"It must be pretty bad being the wife of a suicide bomber... Because if they come home after work, they've had a bad day."
"sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately. I've been reading the Cheesecake Factory menu"
"my favorite part about magazine interviews with actors are the 3 first paragraphs describing how they entered the hotel and sat down"
"[Duck support group] ""After i lost Barbara I was doing bread 5, maybe 6 times a day"" *the other ducks nod sympathetically*"