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Joke of the Day

"I'm going back to my surgeon to get my dressing changed tomorrow. Or, to put it another way... I'm seeking redress from the man who cut me."

"Australian Police are on the look out for a serial Aboriginal basher I called them up about it, apparently it's not a job"

"Two 5th graders are doing Math homework. One tells the other, ""I don't know what 99 is in Roman numerals."" The other lowers her glasses and says, ""IC."""

"If I can ever learn how to fold a fitted sheet, I will consider my life to be a successful one."

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!"

"Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!"

"Two Irish men walk into a bar.... What else is new?"

"Look at all these people writing in Starbucks, just like Hemingway."

"What is a pirate's favorite fast food joint? Aaaaarby"

"A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button... ... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi."