45426

Joke of the Day

"How Long is a Chinese Mans name. Yes, yes it is. Old joke my grandpa like to tell."

"My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals."

"ME: im nervous GIRLFRIEND: dont be M: what are some of his interests GF: he likes football [later] GF'S DAD: nice to meet u M: *tackles him*"

"Everything is made in China, except for babies, they're made in VaChina!"

"I think the best thing about being a cyclops is no one would notice if you had a lazy eye."

"Hate shaving? Cut some time out of your morning routine by leaping into the ocean and letting the tide drag you to a watery demise instead."

"NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression"

"Tried new pain medication, and an hour later 3 penguins in military fatigues walked into the room and told me I need to kill Mussolini's cat"

"Where does a Sith Lord do their shopping? The Maul."

"So excited to go and watch 'the Evil Dead' next week. Anyone else going to Thatcher's funeral? Bring 'em on! Post em all here."