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Joke of the Day

"ME: im nervous GIRLFRIEND: dont be M: what are some of his interests GF: he likes football [later] GF'S DAD: nice to meet u M: *tackles him*"

"What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate? ""OH^- NO^3+ !"""

"I've been diagnosed with kleptomania... when it gets really bad, I have to take something."

"[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] ""in a few years its gonna be really cold"" *hands them mixtape* ""you're gone need this"""

"Why did the Hawaiian Hipster burn to death? He walked on lava before it was cool."

"What literary devices do butchers use? Meataphors."

"BARBER: what'll it be ME: can u make me feel extremeley self-conscious for 45 minutes BARBER: u got it"

"I tried to think of an electricity pun Now my head hertz"

"Why don't renovators paint floors? It's beneath them."

"Secondary School Pick up Lines Are you the Detention room because i'm going to spend the next two and a half hours inside you"