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Joke of the Day

"NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression"

"It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to fix them. It takes an enormous man to close down a Chinese buffet. High-5"

"Want to hear a joke about Potassium? K."

"The most awkward part of a murder/suicide pact has to be deciding who goes first."

"10 Dollar Compliment A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison."

"officer it's my son's car ""just make it stop sir"" I don't know how ""can you call him"" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest."

"Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down."

"If the pen is mightier than the sword... ... Then why do actions speak louder than words?"