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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate."

"How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier? The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!"

"[First date] Him: Can you pass the- SOMETIMES WHEN I SLEEP ON MY STOMACH MY CAT LIES ON MY BACK LIKE A TINY SURFER"

"It's leaked that Caitlyn Jenner is winning the ""woman of the year"" award. Oh so now they're implying that men are better at being women than women are."

"You know you're old when you get a ""You up?"" text.... And it's 8:25 p.m."

"Did you hear about the new circumcision clinic opening up? I hear the doctors only work for tips."

"one plus one equals a window"

"Went to the zoo today. There was only one animal. It was a ""shitzu."""

"What's green and hurts when it hits you in the eye? A snooker table"

"How many Tourette's syndrome sufferers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Damn fuck shit screw you dickhead just one asshole twat cocksucker."