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Joke of the Day
"one plus one equals a window"
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"""What about this? What about this? And this?""--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer."
"What do a woman and a toilet seat have in common? Without a hole in the middle they wouldn't be good for shit. (Wife told me this one)"
"I have a picture of Leonard Nimoy holding a kitten. I call it Spock and Aww. Thank you. Goodnight, everybody."
"Jesus sits at his last supper *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *open jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna have to stop you right there"
"On the train... A girl sneezes. you: ""bless you."" she: ""sorry, i have a boyfriend."" voice from a few seats behind you: ""i'm a vegan."""
"The Nazi's weren't bad guys. And I know I'm 100% reich about this."
"How are black people like Christmas lights? Half of them don't work and the ones that do aren't that bright"
"What is the similarity between a blonde and a turtle? When they fall on their backs they're fucked"
"waldo at the gym can't none of y'all spot me"