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Joke of the Day

"person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON"

"Why did the farmer use a steam roller? He wanted to grow mashed potatoes."

"lawyer talking under his breath: ""guiltypeoplesaywhat?"" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor"

"Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here."

"My parents are so proud of me! I won a math debate."

"Cannibals do not like to eat vaginas. .....Because it tastes like fish. ;-.>"

"I logged into MySpace for the first time since 2005. It was full of private messages from women who wanted to ""Blockbuster and Chill""."

"My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died... She was attacked by a giant crab."

"The real reason Washington state passed Gay-marriage and recreational marijuana use. Because the bible says when two men lie together, they should be stoned."

"What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts!"