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Joke of the Day

"What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole."

"I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today... ...he started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer."

"Just became a father last week! My son is a tea fanatic, can you guess his favorite kind? Tit-tea"

"What do Pavlov's dogs call storefront bell-ringers? The Salivation Army."

"Yesterday I watched Rogue One, featuring a cameo from Carrie Fisher. One hour later she was dead. So today I'll be watching Home Alone 2."

"I took a piano lesson with Elton John... He was so nice, he even offered to push in my stool."

"Anyone else get the feeling their being watched? NSA: They're."

"Ebenezer Scrooge must have been tripping pretty badly to see all those ghosts He probably popped a Marley"

"Cop1: Has becoming a father affected your work Cop2: Not a bit Cop1: Ok cover me, I'm going in Cop2: HI GOING IN I'M DAD [both get shot]"

"I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless"