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Joke of the Day

"Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears."

"Is it okay to marry your second cousin? [xpost from /r/dadjokes] Sure, as long as you're legally divorced from the first one."

"What do you get if you don't pay your exorcist? Repossessed. (Credit to my great-grandmother.)"

"What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug !"

"""Pres. Trump, how do you plan to respond to this attack on our soil?"" TRUMP: OK first, I've seen several people call me Tronald Dump online"

"-I love you Juan. -I love you too bae , lets make love. -Im afraid. -But why bae? -what if I get pregnant? - I can promise you that wont happen Fernando."

"An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ""You don't want to try these techniques at home...."

"Facebook: losing friends. Twitter: gaining friends Instagram: gaining weight"

"Which people do the burgers hate? The ones who are always putting the bite on them!"

"Why does England always get attacked in the summer? Because the Knights are shorter then."