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Joke of the Day

"-I love you Juan. -I love you too bae , lets make love. -Im afraid. -But why bae? -what if I get pregnant? - I can promise you that wont happen Fernando."

"Fcuk you Adobe! I spend more time downloading Adobe updates than i've ever spent using Adobe."

"My grandma has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat on."

"I just discovered a subreddit called /r/abs Turns out it wasn't about arabic culture."

"She died doing what she loved! Telling me how to drive."

"My reactions 1st child's problems: I WILL fix this!! 2nd child's problems: Let me know if you need help. 3rd child's problems: Good luck."

"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"The ex just asked me how can one have a soulmate if one has no soul? Wonder which of us he was referring to?"

"she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? ""...there ar plenty of fish in the sea"" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH"

"When is an aardvark jumpy? When he's got ants in his pants!"