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Joke of the Day

"Why does England always get attacked in the summer? Because the Knights are shorter then."

"How do you tell if a black mans been on your computer? It's not there."

"*exercises sarcastically*"

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up."

"I feel like a lot of single women have been naming their cats Adele this year."

"Taking the lives away from 12 baby chicks. Bought an egg carton at the grocery store..."

"If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter."

"Hello police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well in that case please send over a pastrami sandwich!"

"[robbers outside bank] When I said get some masks I meant something creepy like wolf masks ""But can't u feel your pores really opening up?"""

"Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving."