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Joke of the Day

"Massacre between rival musicians at the Symphony Orchestra today, . Authorities have condemned this act of Violins"

"Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person ""Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened."" -Adolf Hitler, 1945"

"But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce."

"Do you know how we know that Santa Claus is married? Because he only comes once a year! Merry Christmas. P.S. I'm sure this joke has been told somewhere but just in case someone hasn't heard it."

"Nothing intrigues me more than wondering who inspired the DO NOT DRINK stickers on the back of cement trucks."

"Where do cows stay when they go on vacation? In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away."

"How does a monster begin a fairy tale? ""Once upon a slime . . ."""

"WebMD: You have cancer. Me: No, I feel fine. I clicked you by mistake. WebMD: And good thing you did... Cuz of the cancer."

"What's the longest word in the world? Marriage. Because it's not just a word, it's a fuckin' sentence."

"Is this sub Pi? There seems to be an endless supply of jokes, and I swear it's gonna repeat itself at some point."