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Joke of the Day

"Every night Owen Wilson secretly prays tomorrow will be the day his son breaks his nose for the first time."

"First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh what did you have done? First witch: Nothing I was just going in for an estimate."

"Why was Hitler born on 4/20? His mom wanted him to blaze it"

"What's common between sex on a boat and Coors Light? They are both close to water."

"Did you hear about the single-engine plane that crashed into a Polish cemetary? So far, 400 bodies have been recovered."

"more celebrities should donate blood like could you imagine having the blood of Beyonce running through your veins"

"What kind of seagull flies over a bay? A Bay-gull"

"13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer. ""Always needs a favor"" is calling, decline."

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."