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Joke of the Day

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."

"What did the cork say to the bottle? If you don't behave yourself, I'll plug you."

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."

"Trying to find an anagram for mobile piss' is impossible."

"I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God."

"Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other ""I had sex with a brazilian last night"" The other blond replies ""WOW that's a lot of men"""

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you next month!"""

"My wife and I have lost 150 lbs combined!!! The search team are taking longer than expected to get her body back from the river though."

"I fucked myself last night. I wanted to get first-hand experience."

"Why is Oedipus against profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth"