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Joke of the Day

"It's time for my wife's 12 week sonogram! I can't wait to see what we'll have! A son or an abortion"

"Multiple personalities If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves is it considered a hostage situation?"

"do you ever start rubbing your eyes and then it feels really good and you can't stop so it's like eye masturbation"

"Ellen Pao reminds me of this guy I know... His name is OP"

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""

"If stupidity was a crime... Sarah Palin would be public enemy #1"

"""well well well, if it isn't the person who didn't like my Instagram photo"" is how i like to address pretty much everyone"

"TIL Lorena Bobbitts sister also tried to cut off her husband's penis. She missed and hit a major artery, almost killing him. She was charged with a misdeweiner."

"The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it."

"I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod."