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Joke of the Day

"Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?"

"What's a zombie's favorite snack? Fritos"

"The lord said to Abraham, ""Come forth and I'll give you eternal life."" Abraham came fifth. He won a toaster."

"I met my newborn neice for the first time last night and she didn't even remember me this morning. Bitch."

"Life is like toilet paper You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole"

"What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

"I'm pretty sure this zombie fad is dead ... But for how long?"

"*At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate."

"I quit my job so I had time to file my income tax That's the joke"

"What did Horatio say to the pathological liar in CSI: Miami? Won't get fooled again!"