111712

Joke of the Day

"I met my newborn neice for the first time last night and she didn't even remember me this morning. Bitch."

"You wont find a whole lot about beastiality in the bible. But you will in my diary."

"The phrase 'lazy asshole' is an oxymoron... Because an asshole gets shit done."

"Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject... Someone called out ""The Queen!"" ""Ah"", replied Wilde, ""but the Queen is not a subject."""

"What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka? A sorority."

"My boyfriend says I'm kind of selfish, but that's not true. I often think of other people. When I'm having sex with him."

"What is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her? A chainsaw."

"Why do teenage girls only hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they literally cannot EVEN right now, ugh!"

"Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant? It took too long to pull out."

"What is the similarity between a psychologist and a prostitute? They both take your money for stuff a good friend would do for free, however they are better at it."