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Joke of the Day

"Where am I? I don't know where I am, but there's a huge nuke in front of me, obviously supposed to be secret. I'm terrified. I ran."

"Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add ""enough"""

"""Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me."" *shakes tambourine* ""Got any others?"" *shakes tambourine* ""Sounds a lot like the last one"""

"Where did the general keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"I should clean mirrors for a living. It's a profession I see myself in."

"What is irony? Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."

"What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional."

"If a pregnant friend tells you what the kid's name will be just whisper ""AND THE DARK LORD'S PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED."" They love that."

"Lincoln and Twilight opening the same weekend? Once again, Abe gets killed in a theater, and he's already fought vampires once this year."

"I lost 50 pounds once sadly I was in England at the time."