9096

Joke of the Day

"Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add ""enough"""

"I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?"

"I wouldn't say I never exercise. Occasionally, my nose runs."

"Why do they say you are what you eat? I don't know but everyone calls me an asshole."

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and the girls cross country team? The pygmy cannibals are cunning runts."

"What do you call a centaur that works as a prostitute? A whorse."

"When I was in 6th grade, I asked a girl out with a note and she wrote back ""Maybe :)"" so idk man I might have plans tonight."

"Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family."

"""I literally can't even!"" -- White girl hanging a picture"

"Saw a really stunning cute girl in Thailand on the bus, couldn't stop looking. I thought ""please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner..."" But she did."