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Joke of the Day

"Why did Hitler have a vitamin C deficiency? He hated juice."

"Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)"

"Weddings r cool bc u can cry in public about other stuff as long as u look in the general direction of the bride + groom"

"what's common between a puppy and a good book ? both are easy to pick up but hard to put down"

"1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait"

"Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend? A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth."

"Explain joke what do cows eat? le-moo-ns"

"Someone recently discovered the mathematical formula underpinning every Beatles song ever! She got the Strawberry Fields Medal."

"What helps keep your teeth together? Toothpaste."

"I have a life besides Twitter. Like this one time that I take a walk into the woods but then realize there was no wifi & I began to panic."